Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Date 5: One spark lights a fire

I'm sitting across the table of yet another date and he's cute, charming, interesting, ambitious, has a solid occupation and a great smile...the list goes on and on. Yet, I'm not feeling the ever-elusive spark, the chemistry, the “je ne sais quoi” that every man, woman and animal looks for in a prospective mate. I'm sure every dating blog, book and relationship therapist in the universe talks about “the spark,” but why hasn’t anyone come up with some kind of formula for finding it? Dating sites like eHarmony,, plenty of fish, etc., attempt to play matchmaker – matching potential mates by personality type, likes and dislikes and preferences surrounding looks – but those partner elements don’t even come close to ensuring the spark.

Then there is the question: is the spark just there or is it created? I decided one date wasn’t enough to fully determine said spark, especially since the man in question was extremely nervous (he nearly tripped down the stairs trying to walk to the bathroom!), so when he offered a second date, I said “yes.” I’ll keep you all posted as to the outcome of the second date. Meanwhile, scientists have talked for years about pheromones and its role in the sexual attraction between two people. However, is sexual attraction really the end all be all? What about arranged marriages – do these couples eventually feel the spark? Or committed relationships that last for decades? Was it really sexual attraction or a spark that started decades of interest and devotion? Apparently I have more questions than answers today. All questions aside, scientific evidence or not, this fire is looking for her spark.

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