Saturday, December 5, 2009

The power of the ex

As I sat in class, I kept an eye on the slowly ticking clock. I had a date to get to! Even though I wasn’t necessarily impressed after the first date with the guy, I figured a second chance might change my perspective. While class dragged on, I decided to navigate the internet...facebook, more specifically*. When I opened the page, I saw the usual, unimportant details on the newsfeed. Then, scrolling down, some pictures caught my eye. Upon further stalking, I found out that they were of my ex-boyfriend, on a hiking/camping trip with an unidentified, cute girl. Hmmm.

{Let me interject and give a little background on my past relationship. We dated in high school, and reunited early this year. But, he lived on the east coast...and I’m on the west coast. I quickly realized that I couldn’t do the long distance thing, especially when we had spent so little face time together over the previous 8 years! I was in a relationship with this amazing, attractive, sweet, funny guy...and I couldn’t do it! He was ready to make a big commitment, but it just didn’t feel right to me. And so, I broke it off.}

Back to the story... there I was, pre-date, looking at adorable pictures of him and, presumably, a new girlfriend. And my heart started to pound, my breathing sped up. Why did it affect me so much! A few deep breaths, I figured...that’d take care of the problem.

But, at the restaurant (Pasta Bella), I couldn’t concentrate on my date. Words were pouring out of his mouth, and I’d nod from time to time. But, really, I was thinking about my ex: Who was that cute girl? How long have they been together? Are they good together? What does the future hold for them? My poor date—fortunately he’s not a mind-reader! He didn’t even seem to notice my absentmindedness.

So, what’s wrong with me? I broke up with my ex! I wish him well, and I’m totally happy for him! But I can’t help but wonder, “what if we really were meant to be?”

*Note: I’m not really a slacker…but some of the classes this quarter have been less than exciting!

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