He's date #87

No, I haven't reached that number yet (though I'm getting close)! Months ago, I mentioned the blog to a guy I dated while living in Africa. After a few chuckles, he was adamant about being #87. As he lives on the east coast, however, I didn't think this would actually happen.

Then, one day, we were g-chatting and getting a bit sentimental about the good ol' Africa days. He said that he really wanted to see me, and I agreed! We decided we'd reunite over a holiday weekend. That night, he booked a flight to Seattle! (He was quick to remind me that I had a lot of catch-up dating to do before he arrived; I succumbed to the realization that I wouldn't make it to date #87. Instead, the weekend was date #63.)

It had been over 2 years since I had last seen him and I was nervous to pick him up from the airport! Once reunited, however, it was as though no time had passed. We giggled, spoke Portuguese, and reminisced about taking bucket baths and killing chickens for dinner (yea, we're hardcore)!

We took advantage of every free minute the weekend offered--hiking/sledding with friends at Snow Lake, watching playful seals from kayaks on Alki, listening to bands at Folklife, eating meals at ethnic restaurants, getting drinks at bars in various neighborhoods...amongst many other activities. I created many more incredible memories with an amazing person! But, yet, I just wasn't really feeling it.

Maybe it was because I had set up so many expectations: Despite the 8 hour bus ride, we managed to see each other in Africa semi-regularly; undeterred by the 3 hour time difference, we talked almost every week; we have similar life aspirations and feel comfortable together. Meant to be, right?!

But I realized that, for some reason, this wasn't the person with whom I want to spend the rest of my life. And I think he felt the same way.

We still talk, though less frequently. I'll never forget him, or our adventures across different continents. But, the weekend gave us the insight that, perhaps our romantic flame had burnt out, and it's finally time to really move on.

Prince Charming (aka Scrub Guy) Part II

As would be assumed, we decided to meet up. We chose ¡Cactus!, a yummy Mexican restaurant in my neighborhood.

This "Prince Charming" was, indeed, attractive, motivated, humorous, kind, well-traveled....he had all the right attributes! We were so engaged in conversation that the waitress had to come to our table four or five times before we even got around to looking at the menu.

The conversation, however, was the problem. I felt like I was in a theatrical production, reciting the script that I had repeated so many times before! Each time Scrub Guy opened his mouth, I knew exactly what he was going to ask:

"How many brothers and sisters do you have?...Are you the oldest or the youngest?"

"Where are you from?...And what brought you to Seattle?"

"What do you like to do for fun around here?"

These were all great questions for a first date...which it was! But, as it was approximately my 25th "first date," I was ready to pull my hair out by the end of the night! (I didn't show it, of course, because he deserved my full, undivided attention)

He is truly a great guy. We agreed to be in touch. As promised, he sent me a post-date email, saying he'd like to meet up again, and that it might be fun to do something outdoors. I responded, agreeing and telling him to stay in touch about future plans. I haven't heard back from him since. And I haven't written to him either.

Maybe I will...one day.... I think I need to stop going on first dates!

Fifty, nifty exciting dates...

I reached a pretty significant milestone—halfway through this little dating challenge! Though you wouldn’t be able to tell from the infrequency of my blog posts (oh school…), I have passed the 50 date mark!

And so, of late, I’ve been asked on many occasions: “how is it?”

After 50 dates, I’ve done so many amazing things! I’ve traveled the world through restaurants: Japanese, Ethiopian, Indian, Italian, and everywhere in between! Traipsing through museums, aquariums, and participating in trivia nights have allowed me to expand my mind. I’ve gone on numerous adventures, including rock climbing, hiking, and skiing. Movies, plays, and roller derby have offered quality entertainment. And throughout, I’ve met some really amazing people!

It’s seems like an oxymoron, but despite the overabundance of social activities in my (already busy) life, dating feels…lonely. The problem is, every first date involves the same conversation: “How many brothers and sisters do you have? Where did you grow up? What do you do, day-to-day, in your job?.....” And by the second or third date, I’ve usually decided that I’m not really into the person. The connection rarely feels authentic or sincere.

At the end of a long, hard day in the hospital, when all I want to do is snuggle up to a movie or talk about my day, no one is there. While many of the guys I have dated are willing to vent about their lives on the first date, I’m a little more reserved. I need to feel a real level of trust and understanding.

And so, increasingly, I find myself craving a “real” relationship.

Date 6: The inevitable bill

It started with drinks at Contour...his treat, he insisted. After all, we had good conversation, some laughs--a little awkward but overall a good time. The waitress came by to inform us that happy hour was ending. Awkward...what happens next?!

Him: "I'm hungry, think I'm gonna get some dinner."
Me: "Oh yea? Where?"
Him: "Not sure, I was going to look around. Want to join?"
Me: "Sure"

So, we decided on Maharaja, a yummy Indian restaurant, and continued talking about travel, family, and other getting-to-know-you themes. After several hours of coquettish interaction, the waiters began to hover--they were closing. Eager to part with the bill they threw it on the table in front of me. We chatted a little more, both glancing at it from time to time, no one making a move. So, I put down my half....he put down a credit card. And we exited, walked down the street, and parted ways as I got close to my car. We said goodnight, agreed that we'd be in touch if anything interesting came up. And that was that. No communication since.

I'm not saying that I fell for this guy. We had interesting conversation, though I wasn't particularly romantically enthralled. But I thought he was somewhat interested...at least for a 2nd date!

Does a bill split suggest a lack of interest on my part? I figured I was just being polite. After I paid it, however, the entire ambiance changed--he became more distant and aloof. My sister said guys don't really think about these details....but I'm not convinced...

**Update--here's an interesting article I found about the bill situation from the guy's point of view. Kinda handy!