Keeping your eyes on the prize

One question I am consistently asked on this dating quest: have you and Looking for a Spark [LFAS] ever dated the same guy? The answer is no…but we’ve certainly talked about it! There is one guy, in particular, who makes me think of this potential situation: the optometrist.

Let’s take it back—

Almost year ago, he invited me to an amazing dinner at a scrumptious restaurant (Ray’s Boathouse). He was good company (despite having told me that something was "off" about my eyes), and we were thinking of going somewhere else afterwards. But messages crossed and it didn’t work out.

Date number two: we met at an Asian place (Indochine) somewhere midway between our respective residences. The food was alright, and, being in a period of transition with his job, he talked much more about his daily stressors than I felt comfortable hearing on the second date! I had had a rough week as well, but I just listened and listened. He never once asked me how things were going (though, truth be told, I don’t know how much I would have divulged on the 2nd date, anyway).

A couple weeks later, it was my birthday, and he insisted on cooking me dinner. Driving all the way out to where he lived, however, quickly convinced me that something long-term would not work out…especially while I was in school! Had we connected more, I might have been willing to take on that sacrifice of distance. At the end of the night, however, I realized that it would be our final date.

And fast-forward—

At the end of each academic quarter, my amazing nursing cohort unites for a celebration of accomplishments and (fleeting) freedom. The last one was at a classmate’s family’s gorgeous lake house. The party was phenomenal, complete with paddleboarding, chocolate fountains, and amazing company. Of course, before long, pictures erupted on facebook, highlighting the good times enjoyed by all.

As there were uncountable pictures of cute girls in bikinis, I have no doubt that they got a lot of facebook traffic. It so happens, however, that the optometrist is still one of my facebook friends. And, so, after not having heard from him in about half a year, I received a facebook message:

Hi,
So, I know things didn’t work out with us, but how about that girl, [LFAS], who I saw pictures of on facebook. Is she single? She’s really cute and it’d be great if you could work something out!
Thanks!

Uh…first of all, no, she wasn’t single. And second of all, is that even allowed?! Can you really ask someone you dated, to hook you up with their friend?? Granted, we never kissed or anything…but still!

While it’s the principle of the matter that bothers me, the truth is that I wouldn’t really mind playing matchmaker for a friend, if I found a guy I thought would be better for her than for me. So, if any single lady-readers decide they have their eyes open for potential dates, I might have an optometrist right up your alley!

Prince Charming (aka Scrub Guy) Part I

Once upon a time, in a very busy nursing program, a beautiful nurse-to-be ("looking for a spark") set off to find the perfect set of navy blue scrubs. She had to search high and low, but found a store that carried some that fit just right. While at the store, she noticed a potential prince charming. Hard at work, he made sure to check on his lovely clients with regularity. The beautiful nurse-to-be was enamored! She paid her bill, and left blushing. But that was the end. Or so she thought...

(Fast forward one month)

Another amazing nurse-in-training was looking for scrubs and came across the same scrub store! Although married, she thought very highly of this prince charming. After a conversation proving his intelligence, amicability, humor (and, of course, good looks), she decided to go a step further. She mentioned that she had some cute, single nursing student friends with whom she would like to set him up. Would he be willing to provide his contact information? His answer.........? Sure!

So, the following day in class, she approached me, to share the treasure she had obtained. After hearing how she got it, I immediately told "Looking for a Spark." It was just too coincidental! "Meant to be," I thought.

"Looking for a Spark" took one glance at the email address and decided that it could not be! He was too young for her! As he is my age, however, she decided that I should be the one to contact him. And so, I thought about it. And thought about it.... And tucked the slip of paper away.

(Fast forward six months)

I moved into a castle, closer to school. As anyone knows, moving causes you to rustle up a lot of old stuff. And so, I came across a receipt with an email address scribbled on the back. Still single, I decided, "Why not?!" And so, with much trepidation, I composed an email: "I know a lot of time has lapsed, and much may have changed in your life...."

Surprisingly, he wrote back! And was still interested in meeting up! What happened next? Well, you'll have to keep reading the blog to find out....

Dating my friends

I've been a little disenchanted with the whole dating project lately. It's really hard to go through a divorce (even when it's in your head). And it is especially upsetting when you're super excited about the other person and they seem to be equally as excited about you...until it all comes to a screeching halt for no apparent reason.

Anyway, to remedy my need for date nights, with no sign of a prospect of the opposite sex, I've decided to "date my friends." I haven't spend nearly enough time with my girlfriends since starting this nursing program and it's been fun to catch up!

Instead of cooking up a storm for some guy that probably wouldn't appreciate it nearly enough, I invited a friend to experiment with barbecuing pizza. She is a master chef so she was the perfect choice for such an adventurous meal. Although the BBQ wasn't hot enough to actually bake the pizza we brainstormed about solutions, caught up on our busy lives and I got to hear her engagement story (which gave me a renewed sense of hope!). There's something really special about spending time with someone that you feel like really gets you and it was so nice to not have to go through the whole first date conversation for a change! (You know the drill, "where are you from?" How many siblings do you have?" "What's your favorite color?" etc.)

And to fulfill an urge to be fancy, another friend took me to the symphony! ($10 tickets for students!!) We sat in fancy box seats, dressed to the nines and ate decadent desserts afterward. I was pretty much the worst date ever (note to self: don't go on a real date to the symphony): I completely fell asleep and when she turned to me to comment on the concerto I did a full head bob! Isn't that considered a complement in symphony-land...the music was so soothing I fell asleep!

All I have to say is my future dates have some serious competition because my friends are pretty awesome. Thanks ladies!

I was his first kiss. Ever.

Well, not on the most recent dates, of course. After all, we're both 25 (only 1 day apart, actually). The first kiss occurred some 10 to 15 years ago (I don't really remember it, but he informed me of this fact). And over those years in middle and high school, we got to know each other more and more. We never dated, but I babysat for his brother, we skied together, took similar classes, went to the same parties, etc. We knew each other quite well.

So, when he mentioned that he'd be traveling across the country to do business here, I was excited to meet up! It had been about eight years since we had last seen each other. We talked for a few days, cementing our prospective plans. When we finally reunited, it felt so comfortable to "gossip" about familiarities--family, common friends, restaurants from our hometown, and classmates. We were able to bypass the awkwardness of the first (and often second and third) date.

As our time together continued throughout the week, it was evident that we both felt some kind of attraction...but neither wanted to be the first to say it. And so, we flirted playfully at dinner, danced affectionately at a club, and coquettishly conversed during our Mt. Rainier hike. One night, we even cuddled--but neither took the initiative to kiss on this occasion, over a decade after the first lip-locking. And so, after several days of fun, I left him at the airport. And we chatted and texted for subsequent weeks. The topic of our attraction came up and clarified that feelings were, indeed, mutual.

But he's on the other side of the country. So, we'll just wait for his next business trip out here (this month, actually) to see what happens. At the very least, we'll have a fun week together!

Happy birthday to you...

Ah, birthdays! A time for reflecting on personal growth and current state of life. An event spent with friends and family--those who are most meaningful in our lives. So, when I was sitting at a quaint restaurant with date number 16, I was a little shocked when he mentioned that it was his birthday!

This was date two--which is a little less awkward than date one--but still somewhat uncomfortable. The fact that it was his birthday added to it. He had mentioned his birth date on our first date, and I totally forgot about it. I probably should have brought him a cake--but would that have been awkward? I tried to order a dessert but, since he was really sick (also a strange component to the date), he didn't want to ingest anything too sugary.

As soon he left for the bathroom (for a coughing attack), I gave the waiter my card to pay the bill. But, when the meal ended, I could tell that this made my date very uncomfortable (he is from another culture, where it is unacceptable for women to pay).

And so, I left the date, promising him a home-baked dessert of his choice in the future. And I vowed not to go on early-in-the-relationship birthday dates anymore!

Well...until the following week. I was asked on another 2nd date (different guy, obviously), which entailed celebrating his birthday. The 2nd guy, however, invited his friends and family too. This seemed a little more natural, but also meant I had to exert an extra effort to get to know/impress his loved ones so early in the game.

Is this a new phenomenon in the dating world? My birthday is this month. Maybe I should invite all the guys I have dated, up until now, to celebrate with me. That should be plenty awkward!