This plane’s circling the runway

Is it just me or does it seem like when you finally get to that point in a relationship when you’re thinking, “yeah, this might actually work out,” little tests start cropping up all over the place.

I realize normal people aren’t broadcasting their dating life over the Internet, but when you are, and when you’re counting your dates to 100, you (as in I) start to hear from men across America that perhaps you came in for a landing a little too soon.

It was a Saturday night a couple weeks ago. It had been about a week since I got to spend quality time with SG#1, and Coqueta and I were spending a quiet night cooking, eating and chatting. She started to tell me a story about a guy she heard from on an online dating site (read the whole story here: It’s a small world Part I: Internet stalkers?). Apparently he knew who she was and claimed to be an avid follower of the blog. He said he found the blog through a friend’s Facebook page, got hooked on the stories and then noticed one of the bloggers (Coqueta) had the same alias on the dating Web site he was surfing. We racked our brains to figure out who it was and it occurred to me that I had met a guy in a bar (sadly, I’m so old that it was 7 years ago now) that fit his description pretty well.

We ended up chatting over the dating Web site’s chat widget and he was shocked to find out I was the other 100 Dates blogger. And then he typed, “I’m a little disappointed you didn’t look me up in your rolodex for one of your hundred dates before settling down.”

Settling down. Had I really settled? Although completely convinced that being SG#1’s girlfriend had nothing to do with settling, and everything to do with miraculously finding someone with whom I was actually looking forward to date #3 (not to mention date #78!)…it still caught me a little off guard.

A week later, I started wondering if SG#1 remembered what I looked like after almost two weeks with nothing more than a quick “hello,” and up cropped test-a-roo number two. I received this text from a friend in Portland:

I’m hanging out with a guy I work with who knows u from your blog

WHAT?!

…he wanted to go on a date with you. He’s our director of analytics.

I had no idea who this guy was. I had never met him, I didn’t know what he looked like and he didn’t even live in the same city as me, but for some reason – maybe the time away from SG#1 or the looming meet-the-parents-weekend up ahead – the text gave me a little twinge: had the landing gear dropped prematurely?

The next night SG#1 had planned a surprise catch-up date. As I was getting ready, I was notably nervous and pulled my typical try-on-every-outfit-in-my-closet move. Finally pulling on an acceptable shirt, I heard SG#1 knocking at the door. I anxiously unlocked the double-lock and pulled open the door and with the first site of SG#1, two weeks’ worth of doubt and senseless fretting melted through the cracks of the front deck.

The evening was absolutely what we needed: a delicious dinner at WANN, a comedy show (Mike Birbiglia at the Moore) that we almost missed from talking too long at dinner, and drinks at Amber. So, sorry to all the men out there just dying to go on a date with me (HA!! Just kidding), but it seems this plane is circling the runway, the landing gear hasn’t dropped, but the flight attendants are preparing the cabin for landing and the city lights below are sparkling with potential.

What's that picture on your phone?!

I had gone on a couple dates with this adventurous guy and we seemed to hit it off quickly! In retrospect, we were probably moving a little too fast, but we ended up spending every free minute together. It was a lot of fun...even though I wasn't completely sure I was 100% emotionally invested.

In just two or three weeks, we had probably been on at least ten dates--everything from rock climbing, to dinners out, to movie nights. And, around that 2-3 week mark, I glanced at his phone that was lying on the coffee table.

Now, I'm not nosy by any means! I'll never snoop through a guy's old text messages, calls or emails. I'm very trusting, and choose men who are honest (as far as I know). But, the phone background caught my eye and I decided to take a closer look.

It was a picture--one that was very familiar actually. Then I realized it was a picture of me! It was rather artistic: black and white, doing a yoga pose on a sand dune in Peru. But, still, we had only been casually dating for a couple weeks! I can't say that I've ever put a picture of a guy as the background of my phone, even when I've been in an exclusive relationship them for over a year.

I asked him about it. He shrugged his shoulders and nonchalantly said, "I saw it on facebook and liked the picture." But, it still felt strange to me! When is this ok?!

A Thrilling Chase...

Guy #1: Walks me to my car and says goodnight. Before I've even gotten a block away, my phone alerts me to a new message: "You're really beautiful!" Really? Really?! I can still see you! What's the rush?!

Guy #2: We go out, have a great time, and I don't hear from him for a couple days. I begin to wonder: "Did I perceive the date differently? Did he not enjoy my company as much? Am I ever going to see him again? How soon is too soon to contact him again?"
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Guy #1: Multiple texts a day: "So, when do I get to see you again?" "There's a great movie coming out that we should really see!" "Do you like cats?" (Still haven't figured out the purpose of that one...)

Guy #2: We finally catch each other on facebook and flirt a bit. "Good," I think, "I was right about my gut feeling--we got along well!" We casually talk about when we're going to meet up again. Finally set up a nebulous "date event" for the future, but no specific day or time.
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Guy #1 is attractive and sweet...but the persistence turns me off.
Guy #2 is also attractive...but more distant and noncommittal. And this keeps me interested!

Why is it that we always want what's harder to get?! The chase, the games....all fun! But is this a good start to a potential long term relationship? Or are we supposed to grow up and stop playing the games? Does the chase ever lead to a stable relationship? Does my intrigue by this behavior indicate that I'm not looking for anything serious?

The power of the ex

As I sat in class, I kept an eye on the slowly ticking clock. I had a date to get to! Even though I wasn’t necessarily impressed after the first date with the guy, I figured a second chance might change my perspective. While class dragged on, I decided to navigate the internet...facebook, more specifically*. When I opened the page, I saw the usual, unimportant details on the newsfeed. Then, scrolling down, some pictures caught my eye. Upon further stalking, I found out that they were of my ex-boyfriend, on a hiking/camping trip with an unidentified, cute girl. Hmmm.

{Let me interject and give a little background on my past relationship. We dated in high school, and reunited early this year. But, he lived on the east coast...and I’m on the west coast. I quickly realized that I couldn’t do the long distance thing, especially when we had spent so little face time together over the previous 8 years! I was in a relationship with this amazing, attractive, sweet, funny guy...and I couldn’t do it! He was ready to make a big commitment, but it just didn’t feel right to me. And so, I broke it off.}

Back to the story... there I was, pre-date, looking at adorable pictures of him and, presumably, a new girlfriend. And my heart started to pound, my breathing sped up. Why did it affect me so much! A few deep breaths, I figured...that’d take care of the problem.

But, at the restaurant (Pasta Bella), I couldn’t concentrate on my date. Words were pouring out of his mouth, and I’d nod from time to time. But, really, I was thinking about my ex: Who was that cute girl? How long have they been together? Are they good together? What does the future hold for them? My poor date—fortunately he’s not a mind-reader! He didn’t even seem to notice my absentmindedness.

So, what’s wrong with me? I broke up with my ex! I wish him well, and I’m totally happy for him! But I can’t help but wonder, “what if we really were meant to be?”

*Note: I’m not really a slacker…but some of the classes this quarter have been less than exciting!