Being Judged

When you enter into a new relationship your normal way of doing things is suddenly up for discussion.

“Why are you eating your pizza like that?”

“You’re wearing that to the party?!”

“How many times do you work out during the week?”

“Did you really think that one through?”

Sometimes this is the part of you and him that can either make or break the relationship. And it is also where you and your partner challenge each other to becoming better people – even when all that means is a more civilized pizza eater. Although this is all pretty subjective and seemingly petty, it is the meat of daily conversation and the topic of everyday arguments and, if you and your partner can get through it, you open the doors for the real judging to begin: meeting the friends and family.

Not that I'm keeping a running tally or anything, BUT...so far out of SG#1's circle I've met a gaggle of friends, two brothers, one sister, one aunt, one uncle and two cousins (did I miss someone?). And with each meeting there is definitely an element of being judged. The perfect neutral location must be chosen, an equally neutral, but personality-revealing (not anatomy revealing) outfit must be worn, and topics of discussion must be selected carefully as to not to offend your newly acquainted member of his inner circle.

The first family member meeting was probably the most nerve-wracking. It was steamy hot outside for Seattle and I changed my clothes about as many times as SG#1 changed the restaurant location. When I finally walked down the stairs of Barrio in Bellevue (I dare you to count the number of times SG#1 and I have eaten at Barrio), I spotted SG#1 and his younger brother – we all matched! Ice officially broken! The conversation and the tequila flowed freely, and it was fun to see SG#1 and his brother tell stories using the same words and gestures, like only brothers can do. And, as the evening drew to a close the only thing left to do was to wait for my review.

Apparently, the review was a good one because I graduated to meeting SG#1’s sister and even, oh so boldly, spending an afternoon with her alone (no SG#1 to referee the girl talk and shameless family story telling). I was also invited to have dinner at SG#1’s aunt and uncle’s house where opening conversation topics ranged from drag queens to premarital bed-sharing – so much for neutral family discussions!! And most recently, SG#1 and I spent an evening at Paddy Coyne’s with his older brother celebrating big career wins with Irish Car Bombs. Now, if you can share Irish Car bombs together then there is only one direction this family meeting train can travel – to Kansas City to meet the parents. (I also have one more brother to meet!) Yes, yes I’m off to the big KC to rub elbows with the very people that raised SG#1. The ultimate judgment day is quickly arriving and, I must say, I have never experienced such a months-of-advanced-anticipation-meet-the-parents weekend as this one will be, so wish me luck loyal blog readers!

And one last shout-out to SG#1 and his friends watching the Notre Dame game in Indiana who, unbeknownst to me, have already met me through pictures and stories from SG#1 – I can’t even imagine what that means in the midst of tailgating – and have already submitted their review of me in the form of my latest nickname: “Hot Miss Size Zero.”

Note to self: never reveal your size to your boyfriend and pre-approve all iPhone pictures.

Cycling Solo vs. Tandem Together

After posting "the DTR," there was a lot of commotion within our circle of friends: oogly eyed text messages, questions about moving in together and if we'd picked a date yet (come on people, it was just the DTR!), as well as countless invitations to dinner to meet the new beau. We accepted an invitation for our first double date with the couple who introduced us: E and the Fiance (Okay, to be fair E and I planned the date while SG#1 was still watching the World Cup in S.A. so he didn't have a clue it was planned 'til he got back).

We met at Barrio, chatted over appetizers, and each couple ordered the sauteed shrimp cazuelas to share (Yum! And yes, we are all copycats). It was fun to catch up and it's exciting to have an instant mini-circle of friends, too! Conversation drifted from camping trips for this summer, our plans for the coming weekend and discussing E and the Fiance's wedding plans for next year. And then it hit me: when does one become part of a couple?

The DTR alone does not determine the frequency that you see your significant other. And simply declaring exclusivity is not a free pass to every event with friends, family and coworkers. So, is there a switch that goes off to turn a relationship from just the two of you to the two of you plus everyone else? When is it that your significant other is automatically invited to every event, dinner and gathering in your calendar? When does "I" become "we?"

It's a funny thing going from solo cyclist to riding tandem, and I'm thinking we still have the training wheels attached at this point. It's exciting though, when you find someone you wouldn't mind riding tandem with, as long as you take turns as "steersman" every once in a while.

Da-da-na-na! Wing-man to the rescue!

A couple of Saturdays ago Coqueta and I were invited to happy hour with some guys we met through a mutual friend. We had all become acquainted over sushi in December and then lost touch, so we were excited to hang out with him and his friends again. However, when we arrived at the bar there were just two guys there: the guy Coqueta had been pining over and his wing-man.

I immediately assumed wing-woman position and we all ended up having great conversation and some delicious strawberry margaritas at Barrio (one of my favorite Capitol Hill hang outs).

But the whole situation got me thinking...Do guys actually discuss the wing-man scenario before approaching a girl in a bar? Do they decide who gets the girl and who has to entertain her wing-woman? I was happy to play wing-woman for Coqueta because it had already been established that she was in-like with the guy who arranged the happy hour, but I wonder how many friendships are broken over these types of situations (A guy is never worth breaking a friendship!). What if I liked him too? What if I didn't feel like talking to his wing-man (he happened to be a very interesting guy)... and on the flip side, how many wing-people end up dating in the end?

I guess this post has more questions than answers, so I open it up to all you blog followers...what are the rules around the job of the wing-man?

In case you need some extra wing-man advice, there's a TON of info out there. My favorite site: Wingmanlaws.com "because getting lucky is a team effort!" How awesome is that?!

Other wing-man tips:
Ask Men.com
Pick Up 101
The Bachelor Guy